I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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