So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
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