Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
