I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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