dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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