i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
