What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
ttyl tear gas
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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