We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
...so i touched it.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
