sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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