did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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