so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Randomize