oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
