So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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