1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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