glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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