Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
