bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
