Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Im part way to drunk.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
