He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
