can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
