just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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