so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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