i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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