Me. At least after what I've been through.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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