so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
