Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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