I seem to have left my pride at pride
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
