Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
