so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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