I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
