At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
