I should be sponsored by Trojan
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
