The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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