I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
