Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
