Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
it's not cheating when I paid for it
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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