Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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