Swine flu. Run for my life!
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
