Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
