i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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