Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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