PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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