dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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