i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
