no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
