Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize