I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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