The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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