he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you win again, gameday.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
