Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
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