Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
What drink are we having for lunch?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
