i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
