Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
