I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Im part way to drunk.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
