i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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