i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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