There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
