Dual....:-)
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
