There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize