Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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