Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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