He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Randomize
