somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
