I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
id be glad to
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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