I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize